I’m honestly at a lost for words, I’m so angry and sad that your gone. I blame her. I can’t get passed it. I just wanna wake up and realize it didn’t happen. I miss you everyday. There are only few between wheb you criss my mind having your picture in the back for my phone case is a constant reminder that your gone, if it weren’t then I could just pretend that it never happened, I bury my pain usually but this I just can’t seem to bury far enough down. I’m sorry we couldn’t save you from her. When we found out it was your before anyone else on the ride home I cried my eyes out. Cause I hurt so back to think of a world without you in it and her still here. I’ve had quite a few deaths that were close to me but it doesn’t seems that they hurt like this I didn’t cry for them like I cried for you like I still cry for you when I’m alone. It hurts so much and seeing him miss you hurts too. Cause you were his best friend to even more so then me and everyday he’s reminded that your gone everything he goes to pick up his phone to text or call you about a new car part he has found. I sometimes have mightmares about what I can imagine you looked like laying on the ground like that. Wishing we could have saved you. I miss you so much❤️🪽
Things are getting bad again.
The devil doesn’t bargain
Would I have been something else had I’d choose a different path or are our lives mapped out for us from the beginning.
Am I really doing better then my own. I wonder do they feel loved. Is it enough? What will they remember?
I feel like since I was born I haven’t really been loved.
I feel like happiness is only found in small doses.
I honestly don’t know how to feel anymore, I feel fractured. Somedays I’m happy and someday I feel like I’m just here from people to use what they can of me. Recently I’ve been feeling out of place and unloved. Then I feel bad for feeling that way. I’m finding it hard to smile. I don’t feel like I have a home anymore. I feel detached from this world. Like I’m staying in my head more lately. Feeling down and less confident in myself and everything around me. I don’t know how to fix this feeling. He used to feel like home to me. Like if home was a person. But I don’t feel that anymore. I feel lost. And ignored.
I’m not sure this is what I want anymore. Nothing changed.
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